A rusty steel gate on the Arizona Trail

I am leaving. I am leaving.

Day 19, Maxie Tank to Foot in Tree Tank

Sunday, October 13, 2024

My hiking friend Baguette warned me that some sections of the Arizona Trail south of the Grand Canyon were monotonous. She said the terrain was mostly flat, and the trail passed through large stands of Ponderosa pine with no views.

I’ve found her words to be true. That's not to say the trail has been boring, only that there have been many miles with the same scenery. There have only been a few diversions from the flat forest land. In particular, the trail crossed remnants of an old railroad line and an occasional broad meadow.

During these sections of sameness, which bordered on tedious, my thoughts returned to the several uncertainties I've had about the trail and back at home. Anxiety has likely increased because I've had too much time to think.

One of my biggest concerns has been the well-being of my son and his family, whose lives have been turned upside down in North Carolina by Hurricane Helene. My wife has repeatedly assured me that they were coping as well as they could. There was little I could do to help. They still didn’t have power or clean water, and the roads from our home to Asheville remained closed.

Weather Variable cloudiness with gusty winds in the afternoon; temperatures from the low-40s to upper-70s
Trail Conditions Moderate ups and downs on single-track trails
Today's Miles 16.8 miles
Trip Miles 274.0 miles

I was awakened in the middle of the night by a noise. It was nearby but didn’t sound like the noises I heard when a pack rat stole my eyeglasses in the middle of the night.

In my drowsiness, it took me a second or two before I recognized I had heard footsteps. I guessed they were from a deer. The animal paused a moment, then trotted off, probably after realizing a human was nearby.

An early morning view of the trail

I heard more animal noises after waking up this morning. On one side of my campsite, cattle were loudly bellowing. On the other side, coyotes were yipping and yapping. Neither group was close enough to be seen.

I was on the trail by 6:15 a.m. and walked for an hour and 15 minutes before stopping to eat breakfast. 

A downed tree lies across the Arizona Trail

By then, the sun had warmed up the morning air, and I was ready to take off my puffy jacket.

FarOut's app for the AZT and all other trails shows a profile view of the trail’s elevation. Usually, that view exaggerates the steepness of the ups and downs because it's compressed to fit a phone’s screen.

Today, the opposite happened. The profile made the trail look flat, but it had more ups and downs than it appeared.

The trail passes through Ponderosa pines

That’s not to say the elevation changes were challenging, only that the trail was not as flat as the app made it seem.

Bargaman Park

I walked for three hours before the scenery finally changed. The trail passed through a wide, treeless area called Bargaman Park. A small cow tank was on the north side of the meadow. The water there wasn’t clear, but according to comments posted in FarOut, it was much better than what would be available at the next source.

In the distance was Pine Mountain (8,004 feet). The trail circled it without getting close, so it didn't affect the trail's elevation.

A meadow

About an hour later, the trail led into another meadow. This one was smaller and was on the edge of an area burned by a wildfire nearly 10 years ago.

A burnt forest

Almost 24,000 acres were burned in what became known as the Camillo Fire. It was caused by lightning.

When the fire started, Forest Service officials were concerned it might destroy nesting areas of the Mexican spotted owl, which is listed as a threatened species. Biologists later determined that no owls were in the area at the time. To be cautious, firefighters attempted to control the fire's severity to prevent the destruction of nesting areas.

The burnt forest I walked through today reminded me of areas I frequently saw while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and the Continental Divide Trail.


I didn’t take any photographs or write any notes for the next five hours. My mind was too preoccupied to do anything else but walk and think.

The reason for this was triggered when I felt a sharp pain in my foot. A thorn was stuck in my shoe. When I stopped to examine it, I realized my shoes were nearly worn out. I would need to replace them soon.

Normally, replacing shoes on a hike is a trivial matter. I’ve had to do that many times. This time was different. It added another problem to the many that were already crowding my head. It broke my spirit and my resistance.
 
“I no longer have the mental strength to think about this,” I said to myself.

I called Kim to tell her I’d decided to quit the trail. As I expected, she expressed concern about how I would feel after returning home. I tried to assure her I wouldn’t regret my decision. I was not having fun. I had nothing left to prove. I had no reason to continue.

Foot in Tree Tank

By the time I arrived at Foot in Tree Tank, which was 4:40 p.m., I was feeling hot and tired, and most of all, dejected. Though I was convinced I had made the right decision, I felt little relief from it.

As soon as I arrived at the tank, I spotted a man shooting at squirrels. His two teenage daughters were there to help him fetch the squirrels after they fell from trees.

I didn’t complain to him, but it seemed to me that hunting next to a water source and directly on the trail was irresponsible.

The man told me he was trying to find a wounded squirrel up in a tree. I waited until he took another shot and killed the squirrel before I started collecting water. The man and his daughters gathered about a dozen dead squirrels, then left.

Turkeys approach Foot in Tree Tank

As I began packing to leave, more than two dozen turkeys arrived at the tank. They must have felt as uncomfortable about a hunter shooting next to the water as I did.

I didn’t start walking as soon as I was done filtering my water. I decided to send a text message to Shannon, a woman who lived in Pine. I’d communicated with her while I was in Flagstaff and trying to find a way around the fire closure near Pine. Now that I wanted to leave, I didn’t see any point in staying longer than necessary. I hoped she could help me get home.

“Hi, Shannon. It's Gravity (Jim Smith),” I wrote in my message. “I've decided to get off the trail and go home.”

Those were difficult words to type. They were still a little hard to accept. I paused before adding a suggestion that I could meet her tomorrow afternoon at a Forest Service ranger station. Then I hit send.

She answered right away. Not only could she pick me up, but she told me I could stay at her house tomorrow night. And as luck would have it, she was already planning to drive to Phoenix the next day. She could drop me off at the airport.

This plan was working out better than I expected "The trail provides," I said to myself.

Turkeys leave Foot in Tree Tank

Working out the details with Shannon to pick me up took several minutes. After we agreed about when and where to meet, I started walking again. The day was getting late enough that I wanted to find a campsite soon, but it needed to be away from the tank.

I didn’t get far before I had to pause and allow the turkeys from the tank to march past me. They made me smile.

The sun was about to sink below the horizon when I found what I thought was a suitable camping spot. While pulling out my gear, however, I noticed a spot on the other side of the trail that looked much better. It had already been used as a campsite, so I gathered up my gear and set it up there.

Tonight, I was just 9.5 miles away from the ranger station where Shannon was scheduled to pick me up tomorrow afternoon. I figured by the end of the next day, I could be on a plane heading home. Everything was quickly falling into place.

This was certainly the right thing to do, I repeated to myself.

But was it what I wanted to do? I still wasn’t sure.

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving."
But the fighter still remains

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